OK, so the weekend really didn’t go as well as I had hoped for. I continue to struggle with fatigue and that dang chest and head pain has been indescribable for the last few days…which is fine because even if I could describe it nobody would really understand anyways.😉

My oldest nephew Tyler’s soon-to-be wife had a bridal shower and unfortunately I just wasn’t feeling well enough to make the trip on Saturday. This is when frustration sets in, when my disease flares up and prevents me from being somewhere fun, somewhere spending time with family!

On top of all of my FM symptoms, Saturday night my achy heavy, hard to describe, pain in my right leg was back keeping me up and extremely restless. Desperate for one part of me to feel normal, I decided to apply coconut oil to my leg after reading some success stories in regard to the symptoms I was experiencing.

First off, that stuff is oily!! I had just tried a little bit but wow, a little bit sure goes a long way. And due to having so much more than I thought, I rubbed it over both legs and feet, however, due to it also being more oily than I ever imagined, I held my legs straight up in the air to avoid getting any on the couch and panic set in…now what? I can’t move or walk, I’m all greasy!! My legs were glistening and Tim then of course walks in and also panics saying I need a sheet. But then he stops, shakes his head and says ” Nevermind, I’m better off not knowing what you do, gnite” and he left me there! Ha!

I can be skeptical about things working, especially when doctors can’t seem to bring me relief, but my legs did eventually start to feel better and I was able to sleep the rest of the night through! Regardless if it was the oil or not, I will probably try it again, except in an even smaller amount! Any other suggestions are appreciated as the oils are new to me…and I thank God for these idiotic moments simply because it gives me and Tim something to laugh about. Haha! I love my husband for being so patient with me 😉

Then Sunday, I also skipped out on lunch with the in laws hoping that the extra rest would ease some of my symptoms. Instead of getting much rest, I cried. It was during this time of being in such a still house, no kids off in the distance to listen to, but complete silence, that I realized I haven’t really been alone to “think” since discovering all of these changes that are happening to me.

And until Tim took the kids to lunch at his parents, the reality hadn’t really sunk in…the disease I thought was done, the damage I thought would be no more…continues to grow, it continues to affect my life more and more each day…and nobody understanding the extent of just how much. But now, I’m starting to look sick…

Being left with no distractions gave me a chance to cry and reflect and appreciate what is going on in my life. I also took the time to reread a chapter in Daniel as the book of Daniel is what we are studying right now in our small group…such a powerful and influential book to read and of course at a well needed time in my life!

The silence also brought out my stubbornness in the fact that I am not going to allow this disease to win. I am not going to accept this as a way of life and I am not going to accept the fact that there is nothing anybody can do for me.

I am happy to say this was not a pity cry but simply a chance for me to come to terms with what is going on, to let everything sink in as well as to move ahead to search for answers. While I will continue to focus on what I can do, I’m still going to push forward to do the impossible. And with God in my corner…anything is possible! Wouldn’t it be nice if the next time I got a chance to be by myself…I could do something fun and actually enjoy it?! 😌

I was able to do some yard work and pick up around the house at my own pace, as well as to see my husband act like an…well you just see for yourself! This was our weekend and again, something I definitely cannot complain about…this is how we make our own fun out here on the farm…redneck fun that is…thank you Tim for making me laugh…although Asher didn’t enjoy himself as much as daddy thought he would 🙂