Three months!!

I had a follow up on my eyes the other day to see how things were going since we had decided to hold off on my injection last month.

Just like last time, the wait was impressively short before I was called back to check my vision, pressures, dilate my eyes and do scans! Asher and I were then shown into another room where he played on his iPad…

and I checked out what kind of room we were in noticing medicine with a syringe sitting on the desk. “You know what is best for me Lord” I reminded myself as I prepared for what the results might bring.

The doctor came in, reviewed my scans, examined my eyes and said everything looked great! He explained my vision is 20/20 and he saw no swelling or leakage so I need to return in three months!!!

8 laser surgeries over a course of three years followed by one year of injections that I received every 4-6 weeks and now I didn’t need to come back to the eye doctor for THREE MONTHS!!! I could barely contain my excitement as I raised my hands, let out a little shriek of relief and thanked him!! The doctor laughed, shook my hand and gave Asher a fist bump as we walked out.

I immediately texted Tim on yet another great eye report!!

Summer has been flying by for me and the kids and I am definitely enjoying all of the time off from my doctors. And when I say time off I mean only having one or two local appointments a month!

As far as Iowa City goes, I was scheduled to see my SVC doctor at the end of August and have a ct scan but unfortunately my symptoms are starting to slowly flare up a little more as each day passes. I have developed my cough again and while I sometimes question if it’s just from the hot and humid weather, I am also having more pressure in my chest with continued bouts of brain fogginess, headaches and just pure exhaustion. And since my stents were narrowed a few months back, I am confident I will need angioplasty again so I did go ahead and bump up my scan and doctor appointment to the beginning of August.

Until then, we have a busy couple of weeks with gymnastics, Leah will be in a parade and we have a few different family visits planned. And even though my symptoms do make these events and every day life more challenging for me…I am beyond grateful that it will be over six months since I have had angioplasty and I am even more thankful that I won’t be getting needles jabbed in to my eye for the next few months!!

Hope you are all enjoying your summer and if you’re in my area…stay cool this week!!

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A good beginning

Second day of summer and this little guy was already stuck with me at an appointment…

Today I had my follow up eye appointment with a new doctor and I will admit I was a little nervous as to how it would go! Since this was a whole new clinic I had to fill out my extensive medical history and I couldn’t help but giggle as I whispered to myself, “these poor doctors have no idea what is coming.”

The nurse called me back to a room where we reviewed my medical history, which went extremely smooth, and then she checked my vision, pressures and dilated my eyes for scans. Asher and I were then sent back to the waiting room area until the new doctor was ready to see me.

I was pleasantly surprised by how fast the process had gone and we were barely in the waiting room before I was called back again to see the doctor. He introduced himself then examined my eyes. He had already reviewed my history to know my injections had been pushed back to eight weeks, meaning I would be due for an injection within the next week or so! I had prepared myself for an injection today yet had been praying I would not need it.

The doctor concluded that my vision was great, pressures were great and my eyes looked great so he wanted to hold off on any injections at this time!!! A few months ago I had gone to Iowa City for a second opinion regarding these injections and that doctor had also said he would probably just monitor my progress without injections so I was 110% confident in this new doctor’s decision! I was beyond ecstatic and gave Asher a thumb’s up!!

I do, however, need to return in one month to repeat the same scans. While this is wonderful news, we do need to monitor things pretty close right now. Since I had been getting injections so regularly we really have no idea just how much the injections were helping so we want to make sure the swelling and leaking of blood vessels in my eyes does not progress too fast to the point of causing vision loss.

Asher and I topped the day off with a quick lunch before heading back home…

I will have a diabetic follow up at the end of the month and then I return to the eye doctor in one month. I am not scheduled for any Iowa City appointments until August so I am looking forward to enjoying the summer with my kids!

I heard this song the other week and wanted to share!! While I was quick to thank God for today’s report, I am also grateful for the struggles I have endured because they have given me the opportunity to re-examine what truly is important in this life. I was finally able to see just how good God really is and how He used my heartache, my pain, my procedures and my surgeries to draw me closer to Him!

Six month mark!!

Today I had another appointment in Iowa City, this time with my cardiologist, so after playing catch with Asher before school…

and then getting all of the kids on the bus, I headed out!

After a good morning with the kids, an encouraging devotional and such beautiful weather, I was confident that today’s appointment was going to go well…and it did!!

My regular nurse checked my vitals then asked if I was by myself which I replied “yep.”

She then said that was unusual since my husband has always been with me. I informed her that a new job had taken away that flexibility for him to attend all of my appointments but as long as the weather is good, and as long as I’m not having a procedure done, I don’t mind flying solo!

I reviewed my symptoms with the med student and then the doctor came in and assured me that the pulmonary stents and past scans looked good, my pulmonary pressures were great and from his end, he had no concerns regarding the angioplasty we had done back in February!

I was also ecstatic to hear that instead of four months, I don’t need to come back for six months to follow up and do another ct scan.

I did forget to mention to him though that I will actually be back in a couple of months to do another ct scan for my SVC stents due to them narrowing so most likely my cardiologist will be able to look at those scans without me having to repeat the same testing a few months later.

As we were finishing our discussion my doctor randomly said to me “don’t be afraid to overdo it, keep pushing yourself.” I smiled and said that was reassuring because I definitely do push myself to the limit and he simply replied “good!”

I walked out to the hall and called Tim to fill him in on how well my appointment had went. I told him what the doctor had said about me pushing myself and Tim joked saying obviously God put Tim in my life to do just that.

Tim knows when I’m not active because of my symptoms and he knows when I’m not doing something because I’m in a funk and just tired of being sick and tired so…he challenges me! And boy does he make me mad some days haha! But we all need someone who puts those hard truths in front of us and I am thankful that Tim is able to do that for me…all while managing to make me laugh at the same time! He pushes me to fight and he pushes me because he knows I am capable of so much more. He reminds me of the blessings around me and he pushes me to not give in to this illness!

So yes, I do actually agree with Tim this time that one of the reasons God brought him in to my life was to do just this and I hope I am doing the same for Tim!

No trips to Iowa City now for three months!! Thank you all for your support and continued prayers!!

Starting over

I was supposed to get my eye injection this coming Friday but the office called to see if I could move it up which I agreed due to the fact that at my last appointment, my doctor had said possibly one more shot then I could take a break! I was all for going in a couple of days sooner to get it over with especially if it was going to be my last injection!!

But, that didn’t happen. In fact, he simply said I would need another injection in eight weeks and acted as though the possibility of this being my last injection had never even been discussed. I got my injection which always leaves a red spot…

…and then that was it!

Today was also the last appointment I will have with this doctor because he is leaving. So, after six years with this doctor it is time for me to start all over in search of a new doctor who is going to be willing to deal with me and my extremely complex medical history!

In the past I have become overwhelmed when I had to find a new doctor because it’s hard enough explaining this illness to my regular doctors, let alone someone completely new who knows nothing about me and has most likely never heard of Fibrosing Mediastinitis. This time, however, I am not worried. Don’t get me wrong, it is going to be a pain going through the whole process of finding someone new because chances are I will come across at least one doctor who will not feel comfortable working with me and will just pass me on to someone else. BUT, I also remember the last time my insurance changed and I had to find a new doctor in regard to my fm. I was scared and stressed out but that change lead me to my amazing medical team that I still have today!

I really believe this is a blessing and God is going to lead me to some pretty amazing doctors along the way! He tends to do more for me than I could ever imagine!!

So while my appointment didn’t go as I had hoped, I am thankful that the injections are pushed back to every eight weeks instead of every four weeks. I am also thankful that I have not had anymore vision loss!! And I couldn’t help but also be encouraged by what my eight year old daughter had replied to me in regard to not placing at regionals this past weekend “I am sad but God has a plan.”

I hope you will all remember those words too and lean in to the Lord when you are finding yourself in the midst of struggle! Enjoy the rest of your week!

Keeping up with Asher

Today was the follow up appointment from my SVC angioplasty back in December. I got prepped for my ct scan…

and then once the testing was done, I saw my doctor to review those scans. Not surprising…some of my stents are narrowing again. My right stents look to be holding up pretty well with good blood flow, however, my left stents closed back up to about 40%. After more discussion regarding my symptoms we decided to hold off on another angioplasty for now. Instead, I will schedule to do another ct scan in three or four months and then most likely I will probably need angioplasty to open up the SVC stents at that time.

While it is discouraging that my stents seem to be closing up fairly quickly after my procedures, I was ecstatic that this appointment did not result in immediate scheduling of another angioplasty! Like I have said, I am grateful that doctors can still intervene and help manage some of my symptoms but I just did a procedure in December for my SVC stents and then in February I had another angioplasty to open up my pulmonary stents. I’m kind of tired!!

And speaking of tired, Asher had Monday and Tuesday off from school so I got to spend some one on one with my little guy!! Our days were busy but so much fun!! He is so helpful and couldn’t wait to help me clean the kitchen…

…and bake cookies!!

He also helped me run errands…

But while we worked hard…we also played hard with puzzles and board games…

We were also blessed with some beautiful weather so Asher and I got to play at the park…

And enjoy a walk on our local bike trails!!

I am purely exhausted and we are only halfway through the week haha!

My next appointment in Iowa City is at the beginning of May to check my pulmonary stents and then I also have an eye appointment in May which will hopefully be my last eye injection for awhile!!!

I never know what my scans and appointments will bring so I really do try to enjoy my days to the fullest in between doctor visits!

And as resurrection Sunday approaches, I am reminded of the ultimate sacrifice Jesus made for me and I will continue to put my hope and trust in Him regardless of my test results.

John 3:16

John 11:25

My fear doesn’t stand a chance

I had my follow up pulmonary appointment in Iowa City last week. All in all it went pretty well! I did the fun pulmonary functioning breathing tests…no pictures of me in the booth this time!

My results were consistent with what they were six months ago so no major changes there!

I do, however, still continue to battle that horrid brain fog later in the evening and especially in the morning. And while I don’t sleep the best, I do usually fall asleep extremely fast and then I wake up very confused throughout the night and in the morning.

Tim continues to joke about how super sweet he was the night before and it’s too bad I never remember but it only takes about five minutes for my brain to clear before I can assure him that was not the case haha. We are still finding ways to make light of my struggles and the way he has always been able to make me laugh is one of the many qualities I love about him!

Anyway, since I have had this morning brain fog for quite some time, my doctor questioned if I am getting enough oxygen during the night. He decided to order another oximetry test for me to do overnight and thankfully I was able to do this at home! I had this test done maybe three years ago so it’s not a big deal. I just wear it like a watch and clip the monitor on to my finger then it will record my oxygen levels while I am sleeping! The purple one is mine that I use to keep track of my oxygen during exercise or any other daily activities and right away I started the night out lower at 93.

Earlier in the day it had really dropped while I was cleaning house…I always tell Tim laundry is going to be the death of me!!😜

I was a little concerned about what my levels would do overnight! I obviously wasn’t too concerned though because I could not resist whispering in the dark with my raspy voice and glowing red finger… “ET phone home”!!

I still laugh thinking about it but Tim just shakes his head at me haha!!

I completed the test then took the meter back the next morning and went about my day!

And of course my day was filled with yet another doctor appointment. I had my follow up diabetic appointment which required more lab work…

…but thankfully all of those tests came back fine too!

And then Friday I got the call on my oximetry test!

Apparently I kind of “failed” the test! My oxygen had indeed dropped significantly over night, to the point where I qualify to wear oxygen at home. HOWEVER, I apparently was just over the qualifying mark by like one minute so now we needed to make a decision. The whole point of using oxygen is to help my body do something it can’t do so once I begin wearing oxygen at home my body will not have to work as hard which could then eventually make me more weak in the long run! And the fact that my levels only dropped one minute longer than needed for me to qualify isn’t that terrible considering I only have one really good working lung! I live every day with symptoms such as chest pain and shortness of breath that “normal” people would be encouraged to seek immediate medical attention for so why should this be different? If I start oxygen now because I skimmed past the qualifying point…will I ever be able to go back to not needing it or will I just start to gradually decline from that point on?

After more discussion with my doctor, we decided that while yes, the brain fog is annoying and I continue to struggle with fatigue, the oxygen most likely would really not benefit me much at this time.

So while my first initial reaction tends to be discouragement because I feel stuck in between too sick to be healthy and too healthy to be sick, the last thing I ever want to come off as is ungrateful! I am able to see how good the results really are! I also thought back to my initial diagnosis when I was searching for a doctor who could help me. When stents became a possibility I didn’t think twice about getting them because I felt like I had no other choice due to such severe symptoms. Right now I don’t feel that strong about needing oxygen.

Like one of my friends pointed out…my body is still functioning!!! It may have to work a little harder or it might be a little slower but my body is still trying to do what it needs to be doing! And I am extremely thankful my levels were not dangerously low to the point where it wouldn’t even be questioned as to if I needed oxygen.

I am also grateful that God has lined me up with such knowledgeable doctors who don’t ignore me or just push meds down my throat but instead encourage, support and challenge me!! My doctors genuinely care about my overall health and see me as someone’s wife, mom and daughter…not just as a patient so I know they will truly do what they feel is best for me!

After all of my doctor appointments and tests and labs were done for the week, I spent one afternoon observing as our older two kids helped Tim out on the farm!

Skyler had stopped home to visit…well to do laundry but I’ll take what I can get! She jumped right in to help Tim…

…and to play catch with her baby brother!

A simple every day moment…just watching my family do their ordinary daily chores and the fact that I was walking around outside breathing in the fresh air gave me an overwhelming sense of God’s presence. I don’t know how to really describe it but I had such a strong appreciation for the health that I have and I am so extremely thankful for all of the days God continues to give me on this side of heaven with my family! I mean…how can you look at this kid and not praise God for these precious little moments?! Nothing better than flip flops, football and a telescope out on the farm!

Next week I am back in Iowa City for a follow up on my heart stents. I will do another ct scan to make sure all of my stents stayed open from my last couple of angioplasties and I am praying there is no progression. But regardless of the results, I know Jesus has already gone before me and I have nothing to fear because in Him, I am already healed!

Injection Day…

I wasn’t able to make it to my eye injection last week so it got rescheduled for this morning and go figure the boys have been home sick. I decided to keep Asher home one more day because while he is feeling a lot better…and back to his silly old self again, he still looks rough and has that lingering cough.

After Leah got on the bus…

Asher and I took off for my appointment. Once we arrived, I started the whole process of checking my vision and pressures then getting my eyes dilated followed by scans. Asher asked a lot of questions while we waited to see the doctor and he was in awe of all the cool technology!

The doctor came in to review my scans and then I got prepped for my injection…and since Asher was in the room with me he got to wear a mask too!

Everything went well so I scheduled my next injection for eight weeks out and then Asher and I were on our way back home for him to rest!

Sooo…did you catch that?? I scheduled my next injection for EIGHT weeks!!! When discussing my scans today, the doctor said this new medicine we tried had definitely made a huge improvement with the leakage and swelling in my left eye!! I go back in eight weeks for one more injection and if everything still looks good…I can be done with the shots for awhile!!!! Ahhhhhhh!!

I began having laser surgery on my eyes for this issue over five years ago and then started receiving injections every four to five weeks almost one year ago so I don’t think you can even begin to grasp how excited I am!!! Asher definitely couldn’t figure out why I was crying happy tears the whole way home and Tim couldn’t figure out why I was so excited to see him at lunch today! Haha! Just kidding…I’m always excited to see my husband! 😜

Lots of tears, lots of pain and lots of discomfort but through all of that…even more prayers were said so thank you all who continue to pray for us!

This is my New Year…

While New Year’s Day is when the majority of people reflect on how their previous year has gone and make goals or set dreams for the upcoming year, for me, I tend to do this on the last day in February. Rare Disease Day…a day where many of us come together to raise awareness by sharing what it’s like living with a rare disease.

As many of you know, I was diagnosed with a rare disease Fibrosing Mediastinitis (fm) back in 2002 related to a histoplasmosis infection I possibly had contacted at some point during my early childhood. At the age of 27, I was given no more than ten years to live and was strongly encouraged to make arrangements for Skyler as doctor after doctor told me I was dying and needed to have her care in order before I passed. Here is an article I did a few years ago with my hometown newspaper to help spread awareness and my doctor describes what fm is pretty well!

https://www.google.com/amp/s/wcfcourier.com/news/local/waverly-woman-fights-rare-lung-disease/article_ceed296f-16da-5cba-970d-089e877adc8e.amp.html

In 2007 after extreme symptoms of turning purple, passing out just from bending over, ending up in the emergency room because of severe memory lapses and the chest pain which kept me up countless nights in pure anguish…it was discovered that my right lung was now functioning at less than 11%. I was also diagnosed with Superior Vena Cava Syndrome as a result from the fibrosing mediastinitis…the first of many symptoms I would eventually develop over time because of the fm…

As much as my secondary diseases mention cancer being the causes…fibrosing mediastinitis is not cancer, therefore, with no treatment to improve the fibrosing mediastinitis, there are no treatments to improve or cure any of my newly developed illnesses so our intervention becomes a guessing game…

https://www.verywellhealth.com/what-is-superior-vena-cava-syndrome-2249242

I finally found one doctor who knew what fm was and was still willing to put four stents in my SVC. This would not help my lung but it would possibly improve all of my symptoms I had been experiencing. It was a very risky move at the time but my parents and I concluded that I had no other option but to at least try the first promising intervention since my diagnosis five years prior!

In 2013 I was diagnosed with another rare disease called Pulmonary Arterial Hypertension…again, a result from my first rare disease of Fibrosing Mediastinitis.

https://www.webmd.com/lung/pah-overview

This is clearly why Rare Disease Day is so important to me and I want to continue to share my story in hopes that it will provide encouragement to someone else!

I have participated in Rare Disease Day a few different ways in the past by having our state representative read my story on the house floor at the Capitol and then one year I also spoke at the Capitol. I also went in front of our city council one year and requested a declaration that the Mayor have the city of Waverly declare the last day in February as Rare Disease Day which he did!! Last year I made a personal video of my life and what it’s like living with a rare disease. I received so much positive feedback that I decided to make another video this year! Unlike the first video that was a quick overview of the first 15 years living with a rare disease, this time I just highlighted the ups and downs of what the last year has brought….

Four angioplasty procedures in which the first three were done through incisions on both of my arms to open up my SVC stents in February 2018, June 2018 and December 2018. The fourth angioplasty with ballooning was done with incisions through both sides of my groin to open up my pulmonary artery stents at the beginning of February 2019. I also had pulmonary function breathing tests, countless ct scans, xrays, venograms and lab draws not only for the fm but for my diabetes, as well as a total of TEN injections in my right eye.

The past year also brought heartache as my grandma passed away and my uncle was diagnosed with stage four cancer, went through chemo and radiation and we are praying he continues to stay in remission!

HOWEVER, what a year of celebrating it was too!!! I had a good report on my follow up back surgeries, this past month there was significant improvement in my right eye meaning the eye injections got pushed back to every six weeks and Asher started kindergarten!! I started attending BSF, bible study fellowship in which I am digging into the Bible and learning just how sovereign our God truly is. That group has connected me with some wonderful women and I am excited to see where God leads each of us and our new friendships!

My husband and I took a vacation with all four of our kids to the Smoky Mountains and Charleston South Carolina in September, we took a weekend trip to see hot air balloons, I went golfing with Tim for the first time together (which is sad because we both love to golf haha) and then all six of us were able to go to Panama City Beach after Christmas to spend the New Year’s with my parents…a gift from my parents we could not refuse to turn down again!!

Tim and I were talking about how we had actually done more things this past year as a family than the entire ten years we have been married. And while we were extremely blessed that health and medical procedures, jobs, time and finances worked out for us to do these trips, we were also able to find joy in the day to day everyday activities. I don’t think we’ll be doing anymore big trips soon but it sure was a lot of fun to see the kids enjoying so many new experiences and I was able to cross a few things off my “memories in the making” list!!

What truly made this past year amazing, however, was the fact that I got to cross off the very first item I wrote on my list from over 15 years ago!!! I got to see Skyler graduate!!! Something so many didn’t think I would be around to see! Here is a picture of Skyler and me when she started kindergarten and then both of us on the last day of her senior year! We didn’t know it yet, but my face was swollen in that first picture because my superior vena cava was completely blocked…100% closed!!

I never liked the way I looked in this picture but now I want to show it off to the world…because this picture is a reminder to me of just how big our God is!! And He is so so good!!

I can still see myself back then as if it was yesterday…in bed every night crying and often times punching and screaming into my pillow for God to make the pain stop! I was so angry at Him for not “fixing” me. My life seemed unbearable and I had moments when I didn’t want to kill myself…but I really didn’t want to live either. That picture was from 2005 and I would not receive stents to relieve any symptoms until 2007! Five years since my diagnosis before I received any type of intervention to help me feel better!

While I am still not cured and in fact have even more health issues today and sometimes more pain than I did back then, my relationship with God has grown and that makes such a huge difference in how I view my health, my circumstances and life…because this life is extremely hard!

I have many horrible days where the pain and symptoms of this disease takes over, more times than anyone will ever know, and I am forced to stay in bed or take numerous breaks throughout whatever activity I am trying to accomplish for the day. And sometimes I get sad when I recognize how many pictures of me and my kids are at doctor appointments but I am confident in God’s love for me! Unlike those days in the past where my faith was easily shaken by the results of my medical tests…I am now more at peace during those dark times because I am hanging on to God and His promises with hope that I will be healed when I enter in to His presence someday!!

God has given me a new desire to live this life even if it’s filled with daily pain…even if it means angioplasty every three months to open my stents back up…even if I have to receive a shot in my eyeball every 4-6 weeks for the rest of my life (but that would definitely be challenging haha) even if I will consistently attend doctor appointments and have never ending tests…even if I suffer tremendous heartache.

There is so much life to be lived in between all of this junk though and hopefully that is reflected in my video. I want to encourage anyone who is facing hard circumstances right now whether it’s a rare disease or any type of health issue, failing relationships, struggling finances or whatever…don’t give up!!

Make your own video or write a list of all the positive things that have happened in your life big and small…because those small things are really big!! And when you look back on your past year I pray you will discover that perhaps…just maybe…you smiled a little more than you thought you did in the midst of all your hardships and you can be reminded of your motivation as to why you are still here!! Keep fighting!

Here is the link to my video…

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZPueflc7Yg&feature=youtu.be

One step at a time

My right heart cath with angioplasty was a success!

After I arrived at the hospital and was shown to my room the nurses came in introducing themselves and mentioned that one of the doctors was out there bragging about how I had written a book. I started laughing and said he was the doctor I had just met a few months ago. My regular doctor had told him about the book so while we were in the middle of my checkup he was on his phone ordering my book off of Amazon. The nurses and I continued to make small talk and seemed to do a lot of laughing as they put in my IVs and prepped me for surgery.

I had read my devotion earlier that morning and received so many encouraging messages from you guys and now to begin my appointment with such fun nurses and doctors…I was feeling pretty confident about this surgery.

Tim on the other hand clearly was not amused by my sass. Nobody likes hospitals but I have no choice and have to be here quite frequently so I try to make the most of it. I took a quick selfie in between the nurses coming in and out to check on me and Tim said the picture definitely tells the truth about our attitudes!!😜

I was then wheeled off to the operating room and like last time, I had to wear oxygen which is now apparently my new norm as my levels tend to drop too low during these procedures anymore.

I have a great medical team and they do the best they can to make me comfortable but in order to measure the pulmonary pressures and take pictures they have to go through the groin, meaning for the first part of this procedure I need to be awake enough to follow their directions such as when I need to hold my breath, breathe, etc. As much as they try to numb the incision site first, I am still pretty alert and feel quite a bit throughout this process.

I was on the table trying to convince the doctors and myself that I was okay as a couple of tears escaped my eyes. If I felt a sharp poke I would jump. I also felt a lot of pressure which made my body tense up and that weird feeling as I felt the catheter slithering through the inside of my body made me jittery. They would give me more medicine in hopes that I wouldn’t feel as much, yet could still be able to comprehend and do what they asked of me.

I don’t know if I was just overwhelmed by such an emotional week my family has had or what but I couldn’t seem to relax and apologized several times for being so jumpy.

It was determined that my artery was indeed closing so we were going to do angioplasty to open it back up. The doctors had already made the first incision in my right groin, however, they were not able to get the sheath through so they had to make a second incision on the other side of my groin. I’m never too excited about extra incisions. Throughout all of the discomfort I was experiencing, I lost focus on the fact that God was still with me…and that made matters so much worse. My mind went to a place it hadn’t been to in a long time. I began thinking about the what if’s…not necessarily in regard to this surgery, but…

What about the next angioplasty I will need? My heart doctor could not get through the right side of my groin and now my SVC doctor had said my arms were shot from so many procedures that they too might need to start going through my groin. But what if going through the groin won’t work again? What if I’ve had too much wear on my body that they can’t find access to do any intervention? What if these procedures won’t be an option for me soon? What if the doctors tell me there is nothing more they can do?

But then my morning devotion popped into my head…

One. Step. At. A. Time. I remembered the last line especially because I replaced the words and read it as “Walk by faith, not by sight, trusting Me to open up your stents and to keep them open.” Haha! I know that is probably weird but those words seriously popped into my head while I was reading it. I need to only focus on this moment. My what ifs are the cliffs referenced in my devotion and I do not need to worry about it!! God has already prepared a way for me and whatever mountains I face He will make sure I have everything I need to get over them.

And then just like that the meds really kicked in…or perhaps peace, and I didn’t feel anymore pain for the remainder of my procedure.

As for recovery, I had to lay flat for 4 hours before I could go home. I was not to lift my legs or even lift my head up the slightest bit so when I sat up to grab a drink the nurse held the straw up to my mouth and told me to stay down. Once I realized how strict they were on that rule, I would wait until she was out of the room and sneak a drink on my own. I was able to manage getting a drink while barely moving my head so don’t yell at me, it’s all good!! But yes…I also tend to push the limit with some of the restrictions I find silly.

After four hours of consistent checks on both my infusion sites, the nurse reviewed discharge instructions and then I was able to go home! I do have to come back in one month for a ct scan to make sure no new issues develop.

I didn’t realize how miserable I really was last night until I woke up this morning feeling pretty good. Tim is working today so I took Leah to gymnastics and then came back home to bed. I am still being very careful not to overdo anything and will make sure to get plenty of rest!!

So for now, I am going to relax and enjoy the fact in knowing that all eight of my stents are open today!!

Thanks again for all of your prayers and messages…and thank you to my mom’s cousin for some super warm and comfortable pajamas to recover in!

God wink

I had my eye injection today and after everything was said and done, I walked out of my appointment, tears of course filling my eyes because like my kids always say…I cry a lot, and I raised my hands while lifting my head to look up “thank you God.”

This morning was one of those moments when I sensed the Lord with me throughout the entire appointment. I had just gotten done with my vision and pressure checks then was sent back to the waiting room to wait for scans, which would then be followed by the injection in my right eye. An older lady approached me and asked if she could sit by me or if she would be invading my space as the chairs are quite close together. I assured her it was fine then she sat down and began making small talk about the cold weather.

She then switched the conversation over to the reason for her appointment today…an eye injection and she wasn’t happy about that. She asked if I had gotten the process started for my appointment yet and I said “Yep! Pressure, vision checks and scans done so now I wait for the injection.” She was taken off guard as she pulled her head back with a puzzled look on her face assuming I was just there for a regular eye exam. She continued by staying something I haven’t heard in a really long time…”but you’re so young.” And unlike when I was younger and frustrated by that comment…I smiled at her and simply replied thank you!! She thought I was in college!! I mean…it’s been a long time since I was mistaken for being so much younger so I soaked that in as a compliment this time!!

She began asking questions about my situation so I gave her a brief rundown of my illness, trying to highlight the basic points! I can still see the look on her face as she slowly nodded in complete awe mumbling “you are a true miracle.” I agreed and then told her about my book which she had me write down the title and my name as I apologized for not having one on hand.

She then filled me in on how much she dreads these injections, not that they’re terribly painful but more or less the thought of getting a needle in her eye and the entire process of what we have to go through…

She said the shots are uncomfortable but it’s over quick and today would be her third injection. When she heard I had been getting these injections every four to five weeks for about 9 months she felt ashamed for complaining which I reassured her she did not need to feel bad. She mentioned laser therapy as her next option if these shots didn’t work which again was something that made her very anxious. I was able to provide her some comfort by confirming I had done over six lasers on my left eye and two on my right eye so if she could do these injections, she could do the lasers. We both agreed if these options can help prevent blindness then a few moments of pain and discomfort here and there is worth it.

She then shared how she had realized this morning on her drive to the doctor that maybe all of the people in the waiting room felt the same way. She said maybe there are others who don’t want to be there either so she told herself “I am an 81 year old wuss and I just need to put on my big girl panties.” She decided that instead of being afraid, she was going to spend her time praying for everyone in the waiting room. And then again she gave me that look of awe as she says “and then I met you. What a God wink.”

I was called back for my injection and let her know I would be praying for her as well. Once back to the room I was pleasantly surprised as the tech filled me in on the great news of my scans. She informed me the first two words the doctor had written were “significant improvement.” I was ecstatic and even more amazed when I felt no pain this time during the injection!! That may have very well been because I was at so much ease from the conversation I had just had! My eye was still red from the last injection so I was nervous it might be more sensitive to another injection so what a relief!!! My appointment ended with the doctor telling me everything looked great so set up my next injection in six weeks….SIX weeks!!! I don’t know if it’s because he used a different medication in the injection last time or if it’s because I got six of my eight stents opened up but either way I was happy to have the next injection pushed back at least a week!!!

As I was leaving I saw the woman I had been visiting with. I thanked her for her prayers and shared my good report which I honestly think she was just as happy as I was! She thanked me for providing her hope as well and then we went our separate ways!

While I know God is with me at every appointment and procedure, today was just extra special as I was able to sense His presence so strongly…all because an 81 year old woman asked if she could sit by me! Enjoy your weekend everyone!