Welcome 2018!! I know it’s been awhile since I posted and I apologize for that but I do appreciate all of the messages from those of you who have checked up on me!!
Things have been going pretty well and it has been a great last couple of months celebrating the holidays with lots of family time and then just getting back in to the routine of school after the long Christmas break!
As far as my health goes, I am doing okay!! I unfortunately have some new symptoms and I do go to the doctor next Tuesday! I am still getting a lot of cramping in my right leg, my feet and hands are always cold and I have been losing my hair!! I have to admit I panicked a bit when I realized what was going on but thankfully I’ve always had really thick hair so I have a lot to lose before I am bald but it is getting really thin haha. Plus, Tim said he has enough hair for both of us and he’s not joking! One day Tim came home and asked if I got a haircut so that is when we realized these new symptoms were becoming more noticeable to those who are around me all the time. I did talk to one of my doctors and she feels it is definitely vascular and related to my autoimmune illnesses. So next Tuesday I go to a new vascular doctor to discuss these symptoms as well as some treatment options for the new diagnosis of Raynaud Phenomena.
While that aspect has been discouraging, I am not letting it get me down and I am still pushing forward the best I can. I have been trying to eat healthier and be more consistent with my exercise! Oh, and the more I exercise the more weight I gain but whatever right?! I AM WALKING!!! And while I do not walk at a very fast pace or for long distances on my treadmill…I am walking every day!! And that is a huge improvement!
Then over the weekend I got caught up on some housework. And while I was cleaning my bathtub, I got overwhelmed with how far God has brought me in just over a year. This bathtub is the tub I was so embarrassed to let my aunts clean a year ago! My back pain had been so excruciating and I was not walking for months, then I had two back surgeries and was down even longer! My mom, my aunt and their cousins came to help me with the housework…and I was beyond grateful for them!💕 And now…I am physically able to clean the tub myself!! And yes…cleaning my bathroom truly is a blessing and I actually enjoyed being able to clean it!!
While celebrating the progress I have made and the fact that one long painful season is behind me, I began to think about my husband and how he is still in a really tough season.
This week he started a new full time job which means benefits and insurance!! This truly is an answer to our prayers and we are extremely grateful for this opportunity. I really do think this is going to be wonderful and I am very excited to see where God takes us with this!! However, if you ask me how excited we are, I will most likely hesitate and struggle with how to respond.
Yes, a HUGE answer to our prayers, yes, health insurance that we finally will not have to pay out of pocket for ourselves, and yes, some financial stability…all wonderful things!!! But, Tim will also continue to run our cattle operation so this means he will be going back to extremely long days between his new full time job (which now includes extreme overtime of seven days a week) and his full time job with cattle.
And I struggle with my response only because while I am excited for him to get this job, I am not the one who has to be putting in the 16 hour work days. That’s just crazy!! I figure it’s probably like him getting excited when I get new stents….the stents might help me for a little bit which I am truly grateful for but the stents do not cure me…so like my stents, we are basically outweighing the pros and cons of this job…and even though this job is a wonderful thing…it doesn’t change the fact of how much time he will be away from his family and how much exhaustion he is going to have to take…physically and mentally.
When I look at things from his view…I’m sure he feels as though he has been in this same hard season forever! Unlike me celebrating the fact that I’m healthy enough to clean my bathroom, I just don’t think Tim has gotten to that point of praising God for 16 hour work days…and that’s okay…at the moment. Between his brother passing, my health, his nonstop work….and now another full time job…on top of his already long days, that is a lot to deal with!!
Cattle are demanding enough especially in the snowy cold weather…which by the way…I learned never to remind my husband that our joy comes from Jesus and not our circumstances when he is just about to go work out in -30 degree weather!!😂😂😂 And now another full time job brings on even more work and less rest for him!
But, Tim is an amazing father who has sacrificed a lot of his time and sleep to do whatever it takes to provide for his family. He is hardworking and determined to take care of us. And he does not do all of this work out of greed, but because of necessity! But regardless of the crazy hours he has worked over the years, he has still made it to the kids’ events and been there for them.
So I am asking that you especially keep Tim in your prayers this next couple of weeks as he adjusts to some pretty long working hours. This job is definitely what we need and we are so thankful that he was able to get benefits, but while we figure out this transition, it’s going to be a challenge for him to work at his new job, keep up on the cows and help take care of things that only he can take care of at home.
And while I was thinking about all of the challenges Tim and I have faced as a couple between my health, his work, family sicknesses and death…our seasons just seem to be so extremely hard, but I have also discovered how each new season leads to another opportunity for us to experience and testify to God’s grace, mercy and never ending love…but I might wait a few weeks to point this out to Tim!😜