Deep thoughts…all because of a preschool graduation

Tonight we celebrated our little girl graduating from preschool. It was a really big deal! Leah and her class put on a program where Leah really belted out the words….along with some sweet dance moves! Followed by the award ceremony and potluck.  I am proud to say that Leah got the Gummy Bear award for being a “caring and huggable classmate”…she must get that from her mommy 🙂

     Leah was so proud to sing and dance for us and since last Friday, she has been verifying with us that we would be there to watch her…that we wouldn’t be working, that we wouldn’t miss it! Something so little, yet so big to a five year old.

I think these are the little moments that God uses to remind us where our priorities need to be….showing what really matters.

It’s been a rough couple of weeks around here, but again this is what we need to just learn how to deal with. I’ve had a lot of good days, but some bad days as well with the extreme fatigue, heart palpitations and overall “weird” feeling, too difficult to explain. Tim and I are getting short with each other from the stress of me not feeling well along with the every day craziness of life…with kids…with cows. 

Go figure that over the last few weeks in church, we’ve been discussing not only ways to make a marriage work and to stay true to our vows, but also about priorities as well as discussing in our small group, what kind of legacy we want to leave behind. The sermons and discussions came at a time where one day I walked in and Asher was sitting there with my headphones on pretending to type as that is what I do for my job. I laughed at his cuteness but then stopped. I thought between Leah saying how much we work and now Asher, “is this the kind of impression I want to leave on my kids? Is this the legacy I want to leave, my kids thinking all I do is work…or I’m always sick?” Not really. I work part time at home typing so it’s difficult for the kids to understand at times. And don’t get me wrong, I want them to know what hard work is…but I never want to imply it’s more important than family…because it’s not! 

So tonight at graduation, the sermon from Pastor Chip regarding priorities came to mind. Although I have started devoting 10 minutes of prayer and reading first thing in the morning to God, this does not always happen as Asher might get up earlier than planned or I might “accidentally” oversleep. Tim is definitely not number two on my list as I always put the kids before him. But then where does this leave my kids? I have been focusing on my job…which means I am putting everything after that including the kids along with trying to do the housework, the grocery shopping, the cooking, the baths, the homework which everyday…this is a losing battle. 

I have been thinking a lot about my priorities and what I need to change. And it’s not necessarily the fact that I’m putting my job before God or my family, it’s the fact I’m trying to do everything at once…and instead of giving my all to one thing at a time…I’m doing the bare minimum with everything, and everybody, simply to get by. 

I am trying to organize my time better. I am getting my ten minutes of devotion in with God at some point within the day, at least I am doing it, but it really does help set the tone for the whole day if I do it right away in the morning so I am working harder to do that. And, while I’m at work, work is my priority and when I’m with my kids, they are my priority.

With Tim…well ouch! I’m trying to replay the last three weeks of sermons in my head, trying to fight fair, not keep track of wrongs, not expect more than I give etc. I have to admit I haven’t done this well. After a full day of work every day, I’m tired! I need to rest! While Tim truly does try, he doesn’t quite understand the fatigue and headaches I struggle with…again, this is not the normal crazy, busy life head pain or fatigue. 

One day out of the blue, he says I’m in charge of the inside of the house and he’ll take care of the outside of the house. I sarcastically asked about the kids and he had no response. So for those of you who know me, what do I do? Yep, as soon as he goes outside I put shoes on the kids, send them outside and say since they are outside…they are his responsibility! I do realize now, this would probably be on the “never do this during a fight” list but personally…I thought it was genius…and it worked because I got a nap in 😉

Tim did approach me after a few rough days between us and said he was thinking…the last few weeks have been extremely difficult on us. We just can’t seem to catch a break with anything. Tim pointed out that what if God has something really great planned for us in the near future and the enemy is trying to stop it. It was after that statement that I realized Tim and I would be okay. Tim and I have our moments but we have always been able to pull together, turn back to rely on God and fight through whatever we are faced with…together! 

We were able to redirect our thinking and regain focus on some of the things Pastor Chip had said as well as some discussions we had during our small group.  

So needless to say if you stop over, which we always enjoy having company over expected or not, just be prepared that I will not have a spotless house, my kids might be in their pajamas by 5pm, but hopefully that indicates that I am working on my priorities and getting things in the order that they need to be. Tim needs to remember this too when the laundry’s not done!

So yes, all this reflection from a preschool graduation! I am getting emotional in my old age! I will admit I wanted to cry tonight when they handed the award to her but I refrained from doing so. The smallest thing made Leah extremely excited and happy tonight. I want my kids to be happy, to know how much I love God, I love my husband and how much I love them. I want my kids to know work or cleaning does not come before them, I want them to know that no matter what, I have time for them, undivided attention and quality time. I love them unconditionally and would do anything for them…but a dinner date with their dad is still a necessity 😉 This is part of the legacy I plan to work on leaving behind. 

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