I’ll get the bad news out so we can focus on the fun day today. My eye appointment stunk yesterday, no getting around it.
On top of my FM kicking my butt, my diabetes has been more difficult for me to control lately, causing my A1c to be higher this last time. An A1c is a blood test that determines what my average blood sugars run over a three month period.
I usually do pretty well with managing my sugars and can pinpoint exactly why my sugars might be high…or low, but for the last several months I’ve been strugglingl! Yes, sometimes it’s because I don’t check them as often, or because I underestimate how much insulin I should take when I eat, or even because I’ve had a lot of infections around my infusion site…but there have also been a lot of other times when my sugars are high and I have no explanation for it…indicating it could easily be due to the physical and mental stress from my FM as well as not feeling well. I do see my endocrinologist on a more frequent basis in order to gain better control of my sugars but I’m still running higher numbers.
With that being said, I apparently developed swelling and more leakage in my left eye over the last five months from my last checkup. I can’t remember what it’s called but it can lead to permanent vision loss, however, my vision is still 20/20 with my glasses so it has not been affected…yet. My doctor went on to say that I am “walking a fine line” so he’s not going to do any intervention right now but I have to follow up in two months to make sure my vision does not get too bad, too fast to the point where he wouldn’t be able to help prevent the vision loss. I simply replied “story of my life.” The look on his face reminded me that some people don’t understand my sarcasm 😉 He strongly encouraged me to call sooner if I do notice any vision problems before my follow up.
Of course the vision loss can be prevented…but with me, there’s always a catch…things simply can’t be that easy. The doctor went on to say that my goal needs to be getting my A1c down (that’s always my goal and it really wasn’t terribly high), and he also tried to explain the hypertension which is also contributing to my eye issues, but instead says, “well, in your situation you can’t do much about that.” Yep, that’s the type of news that is considered encouragement for me.
He did say that if in two months my vision has gotten worse, even slightly, that he will most likely begin “aggressive” treatment…medications and an injection to my eye once a month until determined. My heart sank because those injections are what made the eye surgeries I’ve had in the past, absolutely dreadful and miserable! Whatever he said next was kind of a blur, no pun intended, as I focused on trying to keep it together throughout the remainder of the appointment.
I got to my car with that all too familiar feeling of being knocked back down again and was quite discouraged on the drive home. I was bitter and grumpy and angry. I’ve always done pretty well with my diabetes minus periods here and there so it’s really hard for me to not think that the hypertension and my FM is the main factor, but yes, my diabetes has been out of control so that contributes too. I just didn’t think damage from diabetes could come on that fast. Either way, here we go again!
The drive back to work was a little tricky from my eyes being dilated and from the tears flowing! Thankfully Tim had his aviators on the dash so I was able to drive home without too much pain…as well as with some serious style.
Tim definitely would not have enjoyed the ride back home if he would have taken me, although when I called him crying, I knew he wished he was right there with me in that lousy moment.
I have decided if it comes down to any type of intervention, I will get a second opinion. I do not want injections!! There is a particular name for the type of eye problems that results from FM, which I can’t remember of course…but with diabetes, that also causes damage. I just want to make sure we are treating the right problem the correct way, and while I absolutely trust my eye doctor, I’ve learned a second opinion is never a bad thing.
So that was my Monday, a day where I went to work, did what I had to do then came home and kept to myself. Even mom doesn’t call me on the day of my appointments bc she knows if I get discouraging news, I won’t feel like talking. But, she also knows by the next day I am usually good and able to bounce right back. I did a lot of praying and tried not to think about two months from now with all the “what ifs.”
Today was a much better day as God shined through for us and once again at the most appropriate time! Tim was able to sell a group of cows, something he had been struggling with. God’s time is always perfect but, apparently taking Leah to the sale barn, is like taking her to Walmart, she can talk daddy in to anything! Meet Cinderella…
And I love my hubby dearly but I think he needs an intervention…😬
I must say though, the best part of the night….Ariel is back!
Coincidence that we release three and here sits three? I think not!
God sure knew I needed the laugh, and boy did I crack up when I walked into the barn and saw that!!
A great day to remind me that no matter how bad one day is, there’s always tomorrow. And yes Michelle, the sun will come out tomorrow! ☀️😉
3 thoughts on “Unwelcomed Answers”
We DO talk after every appt but I know you and can tell by your voice and sarcasm, haha, how you really are and I know when to back off. Nothing gets past us moms. Your dad and I are amazed by how you bounce back every single time. We know where your strength comes from. Hang in there. You have a lot of ppl who love you and want you around a long time!
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ugh..I’m very sorry…what crappy news. But I do think it could turn around, right?! Love you lots, you are wonderful!
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You are so beautiful inside and out. God has great plans for you.
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