This morning I got a phone call that I knew would be coming but it was still difficult to receive.
At 3:18am my mom had texted asking if I wanted her to call so I knew exactly what it was regarding. I did call her back which she confirmed that my grandma had passed away. My grandma was 88 and had recently been diagnosed with leukemia then dementia had set in shortly after.
I am happy to say I have no regrets about not seeing her because Tim and I thankfully stopped in on occasion with the kids to say hi, even a quick visit made her day. And my parents always brought grandma to any of the family events and holidays whether they were at our house, mom and dad’s house, or at my sister or brother’s place. Actually, when I scrapbooked all of the kids’ pictures this last month, I was surprised at how many pictures both of my grandmas were in, and for that alone I am grateful. A lot of great memories and pictures to live on!
I actually had stumbled in to the middle of everything when my grandma first became sick. My uncle lives out of state and is out of the country a lot due to him being an artist and having a lot of shows overseas. My parents were in Florida finishing up their winter stay when one day mom called to say grandma had fallen and was in the local hospital. It sounded like she was going to be discharged the same day but I figured I would stop in to see her before she was sent back home.
When I went to visit her, I was informed by the nurses that they had more concerns. Due to lab results and symptoms, they were fairly confident my grandma had leukemia. Trying to stay calm, I called my parents and they were soon packing their bags to come home. My quick visit turned in to an all day visit as I tried to comfort my grandma. She definitely was confused with so many things but one thing was for sure….she knew who I was and like a little child who doesn’t want her parents to leave her alone…my grandma pleaded with me not to leave her, so I stayed until she went to bed. I was there early the next morning and again, that smile of hers showed that she knew who I was and was happy to see me return. My sister and brother showed up that day to help and take over as well. And I was extremely grateful for them because the previous day…and morning had been quite emotional on me.
I’m not going to go in to all of the details but at first when I saw my grandma cry, my heart broke. My strong willed and bullheaded grandma was looking to me for comfort and reassurance. That was hard to handle but then I somehow was able to find comfort in her behaviors. I know my grandma has a relationship with Jesus and this was a reminder that my grandma, even at the age of 88, is a child of God. I found comfort knowing that He indeed would be waiting for my grandma, His child, when He called her back home and all the fear and pain and confusion she had expressed, would be no more as He welcomed her.
So, while my grandma has lived a long good life, and we knew this day would be coming soon, it is still difficult to say goodbye. The last few days have been physically crippling for me due to extreme back pain, so of course, my grandma passing now was even more emotional. The storm is still raging on in our lives but we continue to pray and trust in God…He always provides and comforts us…and for me, one way of comfort is through laughter…and leave it to my husband to make me do just that.
When I got the message from my mom at 3:18am I told Tim most likely grandma passed away. I made my way downstairs to call mom and then I spent quite some time after the phone call just crying and praying for my parents, my uncle, as well as the rest of my family to find peace during such a sad time. I eventually returned to our bedroom and told Tim that yes my grandma had passed away.
Then this morning Tim went to work while I tried to manage kids through my back pain and tears. Tim called to check in like he normally does and said I didn’t sound too good which yes, I had been crying all morning and was simply sad. He then asked about grandma and says “is grandma still sleeping a lot?”
My face was probably priceless as complete silence overcame us before I just sobbed out “that’s not funny!”…but Tim didn’t get it and repeated his question! Even backing himself by saying I had told him just yesterday that all grandma has been doing the last couple of days is sleep.
So, all while I was thinking what a heartless jerk I was married to, I interrupted him and blurted out “she’s dead!” but then I immediately sensed remorse in his voice. He really didn’t know grandma had passed away!!
He went on to say he was so sorry and thought our conversation last night had been a dream. He was so confused about everything and profusely apologized and acknowledged that my rough morning all made sense to him now.
Once we hung up, and after repeating the entire phone call back in my head, I couldn’t help but laugh and then Tim sent another text message telling me again how sorry he was, which made me now cry tears of laughter. My grandma always got a kick out of Tim so she probably just shook her head, threw up her arms and got her first chuckle up in heaven! 😊
Leave it to Tim to say something innocently stupid at the absolute worst time…but he made me laugh and that’s one of the many reasons why I love him😍 Plus, I’ve been known to do the same thing!
God is good and always carries us through. I am so blessed to have the time that I did with her. She was a great grandma who blessed me with an amazing dad! Please keep my family in your prayers as some of us travel to wrap up arrangements and say our final goodbyes.