Had my follow up appointment on my eyes today and I was ecstatic when I found out no contrast was needed…just a quick simple scan of my eyes! Whoot whoot!! It’s crazy but for some reason I just don’t like getting an IV and contrast at the eye doctor!

Now I just had to wait to see the doctor and then I would be able to head over to my next appointment! And I was ahead of schedule so thought I would even get some quick shopping in for Easter!

Unfortunately, the excitement I had been experiencing was short lived as the doctor came in and explained to me that I had more leakage and swelling. However, unlike the previous issues I have had that resulted in six eye surgeries, this time the leakage was throughout my entire eye and not just in one area meaning…laser surgery would not be an option.

He went on to explain how I would now need routine eye injections…and just like that, it took every ounce of me to keep from bawling. I smiled and nodded as he explained to me that of course I was the most complicated scenario out of what was possible. He felt with my diabetes, pulmonary hypertension and all of my trauma I have had to my chest, that my eyes indeed were also lacking oxygen, resulting in the issues I am having. He continued with informing me that I would need injections every four weeks most likely…indefinitely. Guys…that was so hard for me to swallow!! As much as I have come to terms with indefinite angioplasty and stent stuff…I just couldn’t shake the thought of this eye junk for the rest of my life!

I was sent back to the waiting room until I was called back in to the operating room. And of course…a whole new experience…that I really wish was the first…and last. They suited me up with a mask, a cap and tilted me back in a chair.

The technician then explained what was going to take place starting with A LOT of eye drops!! Once tons of eye drops were in, she took a long q-tip and had to wipe the inside of my eyelid with it…60 seconds three different times. And yes…that was very uncomfortable! Then more eye drops and two syringes full of liquid stuff in my eye. She then put iodine over the entire eye area just in time for the doctor to come in and give the injection.

I will admit, the pinch felt pretty intense and I jerked and grabbed the handle of my seat. Once it was over he asked if I could see his hand and when I said yes, he said “see you in four weeks” and I was done!

I checked out, got to my car…and just cried! I cried because at the beginning of my appointment, when things seemed to be going so well, I had remembered to thank God for blessing me with an easy test! Yet not even 10 minutes later I was told I would need these awful injections for the rest of my life!! I cried because I just didn’t know why every part of my body had to be so broken. And I cried because in that moment I was selfish and had nothing to thank God for. I mean seriously…I had just thanked Him for an easy test and thought the worst was behind me for the day!

I did acknowledge that He knew what He was doing but in that moment…I didn’t care. He could have made those test results perfect and clear of any swelling but…He didn’t.

I went to my next appointment and pushed through that then got home and put on a brave face for the kids as I walked through the door. Everyone was able to buy the smile I flashed them except for Skye. She always knows when I’m not feeling well or when something is wrong.

I filled her in on how my appointment went and when I showed her my eye…

She exclaimed, “you have a hole in your eyeball”. The red spot is where I got the injection.

I went upstairs, hid in my room and after about 10 more minutes of crying I finally was able to recognize something to be thankful for…”thank you Lord for letting the doctors catch this soon enough to prevent any vision loss”.

I went back downstairs and watched the kids play outside for a bit, made supper and went on with the rest of my night.

So, that was my day! While it definitely wasn’t the news I wanted to hear, I am grateful that I have not had any loss in vision and I am grateful that there are chances for the doctors to help prevent vision loss!

I am also hopeful that this doctor could be wrong and the next time I go back in four weeks the swelling will be completely gone and no injections will be needed!