I started working for the county WAYYY back in 2000 and it was 2002 that I met Dusty. Actually, I was training her as she had just gotten hired and would be covering for me while I was on medical leave…my thoracotomy surgery where I would initially be diagnosed with fibrosing mediastinits.

And in 2002, who knew that Dusty would become one of my dearest friends to get me through sadness, health issues, frustration and just all of the overwhelming things in life. But we would also share so many joys…including the birth of our new babies only five days apart😍

A girl who showed up to do direct care…in high heels and done up nails! And me in my hoodie, blue jeans and tennis shoes…no sense of style🤓 But I guess friends are like spouses…opposites attract! 

Dusty shortly got a new position with another agency, which of course didn’t take long with her education and job performance but eventually she ended up back working for the county as the lead case manager…a great one too! 

It was Dusty who then advocated for me later on when my health began to decline and I was no longer able to do direct care due to the severe physical limitations I had developed from my illness…I had no stents yet and I was in bad shape!! Dusty got me my new office position as a social worker/transcriptionist, the job I am currently at today years later!

Once Dusty and I were back working side by side in the office, we began talking daily…well minus a “rookie” mistake I made causing her not to talk to me for three days! Haha! 😳 It didn’t take long though for us to get back to calling each other every day…when our husbands are not around because after four phone calls within a few hours, Tim often asks how I possibly have that much new stuff to talk to her about! 🙃 Cmon!!! We are women with children, a husband and a frustrating job at times…if we don’t talk at least once a day we have to take notes just to make sure we remember to tell each other everything we wanted to say the next time we visit.😉

Dusty is the one mentioned in my book because while we are total opposites in a lot of things, the one thing we do have in common is the love for our kids, our husband, our family. Dusty was just coming in to my life when I was diagnosed with an illness I knew so little about…an illness that would continue to slowly take over my life…at least if I allowed it to….and back then I did exactly that…I let the despair and fear swallow me up. 

So, Dusty is one of the few who has seen me at my worst…and at my best…but luckily she is extremely blunt enough to tell me how it is…something I need to hear at times to help regain my focus and get me back on track! We have both matured and come a long way over the years!!😬

And then Jenni comes on board in 2008! Another case manager and one of the sweetest and most sincere women you will ever know. Definitely a free spirit who loves to have fun and smile…not to mention potlucks😃 Also a wife and a mother so someone else to relate to in our office especially when it comes to understanding priorities 😉

Dusty and Jenni have both had their shares of heartache and health issues as well, whether it be themselves or their precious girls, yet they always have time to listen to me and while so many people ask me how I do it? How can I deal with so much? I often ask myself the same thing about these two women. The struggles, the unknowing and uncertainty in situations about their lives that break my heart while listening to them confide in me…yet they are both able to push forward with a great attitude and an honest heart! The strength they exhibit is inspiring!

Life is what we make of it and I am happy to be surrounded by these two women who make the most of it!!

Now, both Dusty and Jenni have made career changes so today was their last day! It was hard seeing them walk out and seeing the empty office space…the office won’t be the same. But hey, I have quite a few new job responsibilities now which means I get that big office😉 While I am sad for myself, I am happy for them! I am confident they made the right decision and will be praying for both of them as they begin this next chapter in their lives! 

But really? Both of you had to leave me? On the same day?😩 

Bremer County is losing out on two of the most honest, caring and compassionate employees they could possibly have. Not only have these girls touched my heart, they have advocated and touched the hearts of all those we serve as well! 

Thank you Dusty and Jenni for all of your support, encouragement, love, patience and laughter you have shared with me over the years!! I am blessed to have coworkers who turned in to amazing friendships!!! 😭😍😂  And monthly lunches are a must!!

It’s that time of year…the last three weeks…three kids…three different flu strains and guess who was the one to get a touch of them all and be sick for the last three weeks?! Yepper! Even Tim “Mr. Unsickable” as he calls himself, has been touch and go with all of the symptoms! No matter how much I Lysol!!

But with me, there are also a lot of changes going on at work which is causing some serious crunch time, almost 50 hours a week on top of all the sickness and fm symptoms…so with all that is going on, everything is feeding off of each other making it that much more difficult for me to fully recover!  

With that being said, it has been a busy month and minus the health, it’s been a fun month! Nathan had his first orchestra performance of the year!!!

   Skyler also went to state for color guard which they got First in their division!!! 

We were also able to attend the Snowflake Express, which is a train ride that raises money for children with terminal illnesses, so not only great fun for our kids, but a great cause as well…   

  
    
 

Leah giving Santa a high five!   

And while Tim doesn’t seem to smile in any of these pictures, he did enjoy it!😊

 Then back to school for Skyler’s winter band concert! Again, I was at this alone because with all the sickness, Tim and I have had to tag team between events and work and caring for the kids. And I must say, my imagination sure can take off when I’m sitting there all by myself…all I will say is I knew every exit nearby in that auditorium 😬 

Tonight Skyler had another color guard performance during the varsity basketball team and Tim was getting caught up on things at work…which Asher probably enjoyed more than daddy…  

Then there is Nathan who is playing catch up on homework due to being home sick two days last week! 

As for the rest of the week, our Wednesday night is full then Thursday Leah will be performing at Christmas on Main! And don’t forget, I will be in Sumner at Santa’s Workshop on Saturday from 10am-3pm at the legion hall selling my books so stop in and visit me or come introduce yourself! I have a lot of followers I don’t know so if any of you are in the area I would love to meet you and thank you personally for all of your support and encouragement!

The week is just getting started but hopefully this sickness is all behind us now that we’ve dealt with it the last few weeks! So grateful to have this busyness in our life and thankful to be enjoying it with our kids!! 

Hope to see you Saturday!!

What a crazy and wonderful weekend! Getting our tree and decorating with the kids then doing our Thanksgiving/Christmas with my family. This year we went to my sister’s and wow can she really entertain! We had amazing snacks, some of what the girls helped with…
    

And after those sweet treats we better try for something healthy…what a cute veggie train Sarah made!!  

  
Michelle then got out a craft for the kids…a homemade ornament!   

 

She even had a craft for us adults. And thanks to Tim, he turned it in to a competition which made me frazzled and I kept messing up…of all people to compete against…my brother!! And I don’t do well losing to him…which we did 😝   

 This was our finished product…with help from Skyler and Emma! Too bad I dropped it on the way in to the house😟 Good food followed by opening gifts! The rest of the afternoon was spent visiting and playing games…   

 Didn’t take long for Nathan and Caden to get the Lego set put together and Asher sure did love the peanut butter cup Christmas trees! Thank you Michelle and Jeff for opening up your home and providing such a delicious meal and fun activities for all of us to do!! The kids are still talking about it! Was great spending time with everyone! 

Unfortunately with the excitement of the last few days, I did pay the price due to my fm striking today, causing me to be stuck in bed with pretty severe symptoms most of the day. And while this morning, at my worst, I was frustrated and angry…upset that three days of fun and busy with family would cause my body to shut down so fast…I prayed and maybe bickered a little with God! Why do I have to get so run down just because I’m being active with my family?

But, Tim took care of the kids and I was able to rest. Tonight I am slowly feeling better and am so extremely grateful that I continue to have better days than bad. While the bad days are hard to fight through sometimes, I at least know my symptoms are from me overdoing it, pushing myself to the limit…and not because my stents are closed. I do get better after a few days! But am I really overdoing it simply by living my life?

I got to see my entire family yesterday! We got to hang out, and catch up on what was new…and we made memories with our kids! 

With fm, it’s hard to know when symptoms are going to flare up but I have amazing family who are getting a better feel on what this disease does. I am able to tell Tim I need him to take over and he asks no questions…he only sneaks in our room on occasion to make sure I’m breathing…which sometimes freaks me out when I turn around and he’s just standing there peeking at me through the door! haha!

While today was a bad day full of heart palpitations, extreme weakness and fatigue with headaches and a heartrate over 140 simply walking from one room to the other…we did have a wonderful week! I wouldn’t change anything about it! 

I’m not going to stop living life in fear of having a few bad days that might follow! If I did that, I would have nothing to blog about🙃 

So again, thank you to my family for such a wonderful week and thank you Tim for getting the kids to church and to Grandpa and Grandma Lalk’s for dinner and to hang out with family! 

I did do a lot of praying today and the kids had a lot of fun, so really, it wasn’t a bad day after all….finding God in every situation always makes it a better day!

Oh the joys of Black Friday shopping! I will admit I love getting a good deal but even more, I like grabbing the last item on the shelf knowing that I was one of the fortunate few to get what I went in for! And I actually love getting up at 3am to grab a donut and my fountain pop before standing in line early enough to get a head start on everyone! Even better, Skyler had started coming with me last year! But, Black Friday just isn’t the same now that it starts at 6pm on Thanksgiving night so I opted to shop online this year. 

I really wasn’t going to go shopping on Thanksgiving night but, as I was checking out online…the item I was trying to buy…ended up selling and it was the last one! I wasn’t fast enough and lost it right out of my cart, just as I was putting in my debit card number!! So, I am the type of person where that incident made me want that item even more!  Yes, I know, that is so wrong and I’m trying to work on that!! But now, I have a Black Friday mission! I ran to Walmart here in town and was able to get everything I wanted! And really, it wasn’t that busy! 

But the best part about Black Friday, it’s also the day we go chop down our Christmas tree! Something Tim and I have done with the kids since we were married! This year we all agreed on a smaller tree and after some time walking around, we found the right one for us!

Isn’t it cute to see so many willing helpers?  

    
 
Who would ever guess that Skyler and Leah are sisters haha!!  

As we waited for our tree to get shaken out and wrapped up, Leah took the opportunity to tell Santa want she wants for Christmas!  

Once home the decorating began!!   

     

Oh Skyler…    

 And I absolutely love this picture!! There is nothing more amazing than seeing a part of my husband in our son! This concentration is a Lalk thing😉 
Tim and Skyler also tried getting a game plan for my outdoor decorations but as usual, our time was cut short due to Tim needing to get back to evening chores. Hopefully we will get everything up before the next snowfall though!!  

Today was a perfect day! I am extremely thankful to have all of our kids home to celebrate with us this year! And while I was able to land a 4 piece bedding Avengers set for Asher…yes, that was my big hot item I was after haha, nothing compares to watching my kids chase each other through the trees, laughing and smiling and making faces at each other…being a family! 

While we have our arguments, our  disagreements and with my health, there are so many times I question if I can really pull this whole “mommy” thing off…in moments like this, I see God’s grace and am reminded that He chose me to be a mom specifically for these kids! All I can do is thank Him for the many undeserved blessings He has given me and for giving us times of joy and happiness in the midst of our struggles. 

God is good and while I got everything I “wanted” shopping last night, today God provided me with everything I needed…and nothing can compare to God and family 😉

Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving! 

All looked well at Asher’s follow up appointment on his ears! As far as his voice, the doctor again said we would just continue to keep an eye on him and Asher should outgrow it. We go back in six months to continue to monitor him.

As far as my health, I am having more difficult days with the fatigue, shortness of breath and heart palpitations. I am able to push through with a lot of quick breaks throughout the day, however. My leg, well my back I guess, has also become more symptomatic so I am back to physical therapy a few times a week. But enough about my health for now because we have had a fun packed weekend and it’s only Saturday  🙃

First off, Leah danced at the holiday celebration in town today and what fun she had! Only one other girl showed up from her class but that didn’t slow Leah down! 

  
Santa was even there and while Asher was able to hide from him…Nathan wasn’t! 

And then…over a foot of snow for our first winter storm of the year!! Of course we’re going to play outside!!

  

Ranger rides are always my and Tim’s favorite although the kids were ready to be done after one round!
 And when you have cattle…every day is a work day so while daddy and Asher got the waters ready for winter out in the barn… 

 Leah and I warmed up with some hot chocolate inside!

And Skyler was being her usual influence…  
Once Tim, Nathan and Skyler left to go do chores over at the farm, Asher helped me prepare dinner… 

 Then, after everyone was home, fed, showered and ready for bed… by far the best date night Tim and I have had in a long time…at least I think so!! No movie, not even dinner…just me and him taking a moonlight stroll…on the ranger!!   

We got all bundled up in our snow gear, because it was only 4 degrees out, and tootled along the tree lines and through the open fields until we stopped on top of the hill, turned off the engine and sat…just me and my husband with complete stillness all around us! The beautiful crisp sky with shining stars and shimmering branches from the frost. 
So, you know me and you know I have my moments, and sitting  there was my moment. 

With fm starting to show its ugly face again, everyday things, even walking up a few stairs, is back to causing me to have to sit down and catch my breath. Working a full day is also getting harder and I am needing to take quick power naps to hopefully give me enough energy to make it through the rest of the day. 

And if it’s not my heart slowing me down, it’s my dang leg and again I find my self standing like a flamingo, as Tim likes to refer me to, just to relieve the extreme pain. My whole body seems so broken right now.

So, I definitely have had more fm symptoms recently, but that is what this disease does…strikes anytime. I have also not been holding back anything in my daily routine, on top of the cold windy weather setting in which does not help the pressure in my chest at all.

While sitting in that moment with my husband…a moment he probably has no idea about haha…it reminded me of what life’s all about…making time for family, Tim and I taking time for ourselves and especially reminding me of how big our God is and how well I really am being taken care of. 

Our perfect God giving me another perfect day with my family. Reminding me that symptoms or no symptoms, every day is something truly amazing.

Who knew snow could be so deep?! Ahahaha, get it?! 🤓 Thank you for all of your continued prayers!

It’s been a while so thought I would do a quick update. 

Over the weekend, Tim was able to get away from his job…for a few hours anyway, and we took a chance on taking Leah and Asher to the Roadhouse. They did absolutely perfect…   

 and we were able to enjoy the food as well!!     

 It was a great weekend and is it possible that our babies are getting old enough where we can return to the world of dining and entertainment with them?!

I was also able to get a day to myself for some Christmas shopping! The alone time was wonderful but at the same time I find myself not being able to concentrate without the chaos of kids trying to throw everything into the cart! But hey, I got some stuff accomplished and I was able to mark some things off my list! 

 Leah and I also had a “twinsie” day as she called it, with our scarves and boots☺️ 
   And then there’s Asher. He has his follow up tomorrow on the tubes in his ears. What is concerning, however, is his raspy voice that he continues to have. Tomorrow the doctor plans to reevaluate his voice tone and we will then go from there. His raspy voice indicated that he may have nodules in his throat which the doctor was hopeful would clear up on their own. But, his voice has not gotten better. 

Unfortunately the only way to know if he does have nodules for sure would be for the doctor to put a tube down his throat to check things out and remove them if need be. Please pray that there will be no concerns for further testing on his throat, and maybe Asher is just meant to have that “cool raspy rocker” voice 😏 

Stay warm out there!!

Today Tim and I were able to roadtrip somewhere other than to my doctors in Iowa City and boy were we ecstatic! This is what happens when we get away from hospitals, cows and kids…we act like kids ourselves!!   

 
We were on our way to Des Moines for my second radio interview to promote my book in efforts of raising awareness for FM. I hope it turns out okay but after my first radio interview, realizing I didn’t explain what fibrosing mediastinitis is, I tried to focus on making sure I did that this time. Unfortunately that threw me completely off and then I scrambled with my words on how to explain what it is without getting so technical, but after that I think it went okay?! It usually takes me a little bit to get warmed up.

Well, and for Tim? Uh, he was taken off guard when they asked him some questions as well. And like the interview for our The Way We Live Award, he froze and did his famous hand against the throat gesture, indicating for us to move on and help him through his awkward rambling. Haha! He did great though and he is by far my biggest supporter! I would not be where I am today without all of his encouragement! 

The interview was for a program called Caffeinated Thoughts which is on a Des Moines local radio station, truth network/99.3 and once we got there I started to get a little nervous.   

But as I sat in the waiting room peace came over me and I knew there was nothing to be anxious about! 

They came and got us and it was go time.    

 
Even though we stumbled a few times, I think what was most frustrating is the fact that when they asked where to go to learn about this disease or where people can go to help…I had nothing, no one spot to direct them to. Just google it! I mean sure we have our Facebook support group and there are also a few members who have gotten seperate non profit organizations set up to raise money but… where do I direct the public? While I think it’s great that so many of my FM families are trying to raise money and awareness, I also think it’s a challenge because how do we pick just one? Or if we direct people to each organization then it just gets confusing?

I do wish we had one website that could link all of our individual sites, organizations and stories to one place, if that makes sense? I’m glad this question was asked so early on because now I am asking for your help on how to answer it? Here I am begging for awareness yet I can’t direct them where to go specifically to learn more about the disease. So please, I am open to any suggestions. 

If you are not in the Des Moines area and would like to hear the interview, tune into their website at http://www.truthnetwork.com. You can catch me at 8am and 6pm this Saturday the 7th.  

I have done a few newspaper articles, I have gotten books into some local bookstores and businesses

 
but I have always had a tremendous fear of attention on me…I defintely didn’t like speaking in public growing up and cried when my family would sing happy birthday to me because all the focus was on me. 

So please be patient with me as God helps build my confidence in becoming an advocate and speaking on behalf of a disease that affects so few of us. Not to mention, explaining as much as I can in a 10 or 15 minute segment! And surprisingly, the more I do this the more I love sharing my story in hopes to raise awareness for fibrosing mediastinitis and to encourage others to never give up! I love sharing how God has worked amazing blessings through tough circumstances in our lives!

I am just getting started so every interview or newspaper article is an opportunity to learn and grow and get better. By the time Tim gets me to New York I should have it down! Watch out world, the Lalk’s are on a mission😉

Thank you for all of your support and encouraging words throughout this new part of my journey 😊 Have a great weekend!

Ended up being a pretty quiet rest of the week…and that’s okay by me! Kids got to do some trick or treating down on Main Street Thursday. Once again Leah’s night was complete when she got to see Elsa and Anna!   

 Two of my favorite boys…is Asher not the most adorable Captain America?! Yes, yes he is!!

  

And when a man handed me this…I said I don’t know who he is but he’s a genius and has my vote 😉  

Saturday we went out for maybe just 30 minutes to do some trunk or treating at a local church. Thankfully no snow and not terribly cold weather so the kids were able to enjoy it!

  
Sunday we went to church and to Sunday dinner with Tim’s family. Kids had a great time as usual and all was well…until it wasn’t 😳

Leah went with Tim to do chores while Asher came home with me and by the time we got home he had spiked a fever. Ibuprofen and cuddle time. But then…Tim and Leah get home and Leah is holding her ear crying. She has a history of ear infections, however, in the past, the only way we knew she had an infection was if her fever had spiked. Well, no fever tonight but she looked awful! Urgent care, here we come!

Thankfully nobody was waiting so we were able to get in fairly quickly and yep…double ear infection for Leah and ear infection for Asher. Poor kiddos! I’ll take two bottles of amoxicillin please! This is his first ear infection since January when he got the tubes put in and thankfully he does have a follow up this month for his ears so hopefully all will be okay!

I don’t like it when the kids are sick and it is scary when it comes on so fast but it sure is nice to cuddle with my babies who seem to be growing up way too fast😍  So, that was our weekend. Oh wait…and for those who thought I was kidding…I did put up some Christmas decorations today! 😱 

Lot of emotions today as I attended Cody’s celebration of life. To be honest, I don’t even like saying how rough it was on me because I didn’t know him very well and today I saw his family and friends deeply missing him. They have known him his whole life or for many years…

And there I sat, overwhelmed with so many feelings. Sad as I looked around seeing all of those he touched, crying. Sad I was at a funeral for a 23 year old. Angry that it was fibrosing mediastinitis that ended his young life. Scared as I looked at a display about FM…and in that display was the FM shirt I had given him when we first met. More fear as I listened to them point out that there were five of us in Iowa with FM…and now only four. The harsh reality of what this disease is capable of.

Guilt was the worst feeling to shake off as I listened to them continue to talk about the “monster” as the cause of his death…the same disease I have but I’m still here while a mother just lost her child. Why Cody? He battled this disease for four years while I’m going on 14 years of fighting! I came to show my support but wondered if maybe I shouldn’t have come. But I’m glad I did because I got to hear so many wonderful things about Cody. 

Tim and I were able to sit in front of Martin and his little girls, who were so precious and again my heart just ached. Martin has FM too and then Dr. Thomas was by us as well…one of Cody’s doctors that had helped with his last procedure. Martin and I began talking with Dr. Thomas and it was very apparent how frustrating this disease was to the doctor as well. 

While I had not yet met Dr. Thomas, he knew who I was. He had also met Martin in the past. He went on to say that he has been communicating with our other doctors as they are all eager to try options that might help us.

Cody’s mother has been such a huge advocate for fibrosing mediastinitis and Cody underwent so many procedures in the short years he fought this disease. I honestly believe that Cody will be a big part in finding a cure for FM. 

So, thank you Cody for putting up such a good fight and all while encouraging others along the way. I’m sorry your life was cut so short and while I am sorry that our rare disease is what brought us together, I am honored to have met you! You will be missed and you touched so many lives, more than you will ever know!

Prayers continue to go out to Sharon and her family throughout this difficult time.

Guess I need to follow up since I had asked you all to pray for Cody. Unfortunately this is a blog I am dreading to write because when I asked for prayers, I was confident that Cody would pull through and be okay, but that is not the case. 

I had been thinking about going to visit Cody in the hospital when I heard he was in an induced coma. Thursday morning Tim got the van all ready to go for my roadtrip but then I told him I would probably just stay home and work. Tim texted to go if I wanted and then Sharon, Cody’s mom posted an update that Cody was doing better and heading in the right direction. A good post and I was under the impression they would slowly start to wake him up. I decided to load up Asher and go visit him. 

While I had known of Cody for quite some time, I was finally able to meet him face to face, just a few months ago, and I knew instantly how sincere and generous he truly was. They ordered lunch from Culvers and I was planning to eat after our meeting as we had gathered to organize our plans for rare disease day. Cody was eating a pulled pork sandwich and I said I didn’t know they had those and would have to get one for supper when we were done. Shortly after Sharon and I were discussing ideas, Cody left and returned with a pulled pork sandwich meal for me. I thanked him and told him I would get him back next time…but now there will never be a next time.

Cody and I walked to fill our pops and I thanked him again. We got a chance to talk alone and it was nice. It was nice to be talking face to face with someone who knew the reality of what this disease is. But it was also sad to listen to his story and to hear him describe…that reality that I was all too familiar with. I will never forget that conversation with him as we stood there waiting.

Once back to the table we talked about my children and he joked that I probably brought my kids up the right way and his mom just rolled her eyes. Haha. The love and amazing relationship he had with his mother was very evident through the way they were joking with each other yet by the way they also smiled at each other too. So, I went to the hospital and figured maybe he would be awake enough to meet Asher and see how out of control my child was and to show that his mom had in fact done a wonderful job with her children. 😉

But, a lot can happen in two hours, the time it took me to drive to Iowa City. Asher and I went to the hospital gift shop to find something to encourage Cody. We picked out a balloon and some Halloween goofy glasses only because in the short time I met Cody, I knew he had a crazy sense of humor and was someone who likes to have fun and goof off. Right when I got to the room for some reason I decided to check my phone before I went in…and there was the news. 

I had a missed call from my mom, a missed call from Tim and text messages. I began to read Tim’s message first that started out with him saying “probably not answering the phone because you’re there. so sorry babe, Cody’s not going to make it” but I wasn’t able to finish the text. My stomach dropped as Sharon came out of Cody’s room to explain the drastic change in his circumstances. I could not stop apologizing to her and to Cody’s sister. I didn’t know. I hadn’t read the update. Family was being called in to say their goodbyes to their son, to their brother…and I showed up with a get well ballon and Halloween goofy glasses. But, I didn’t know.

I am thankful for Sharon giving me the opportunity to talk to Cody as he was still in the coma and then as more family arrived, I again apologized and Asher and I left. I sat outside his room and just cried for him and his family and I prayed for them to somehow find comfort. 

The next 24 hours were up and down with Cody pushing on and continuing to fight, until this morning when the final post came that the battle was over and he is with the Lord. Only 23 years old, such a loving and caring guy. Obviously a young man who tried to make the best of his life from some of the goofy pictures his mom put on Facebook. This isn’t fair and I hate this disease because it has taken too many amazing and young people, but it is part of God’s plan that we can’t possibly understand right now.

So please, please say a prayer for Cody’s family during this difficult time. We don’t know what Sharon is going through and words will not make her feel better right now so please just simply pray for her and the family!